The kitchen of Ethereum's most notorious MEV sandwich bot.
Jared has been eating sandwiches off Ethereum traders since February 2023. This is his kitchen. We're documenting every meal.
In February 2023, a pseudonymous operator activated an MEV bot from 0xae2Fc483...5ba1FaE13 and started sandwiching trades on Uniswap. They named the wallet after a man currently in federal prison.
Within three months, the bot was inside 60% of Ethereum blocks. Within a year, sandwich attacks made up 51% of all MEV extracted on the network. In May 2026, Jared sandwiched Vitalik Buterin himself.
This dashboard is the first thing. The token is the second. We can't kill Jared. But we can make every meal he eats a little more expensive.
— served by the Subway Diet
The flywheel. Every sandwich attempt funds four things at once. None of them are "burn for hype." All of them are mechanical. The more Jared attacks, the more holders earn, the deeper the pool gets.
Why distribute, not burn? Burning is theatrical. Distribution is real yield. Every sandwich grows your bag in actual $MEAL tokens, not just in price. Supply stays in circulation so new buyers can still get in. Holders compound.
Why deepen liquidity? Most launchpad tokens die from thin liquidity. The 99→1% curve doesn't help. Our hook fixes this automatically — every attack on the pool makes the pool stronger. The bot's own gas pays for the moat.
Why only 10% to the launcher? Because the FUD is real. Other launches take 20–50% for the team. We take a fraction of that, and the launcher's initial allocation is locked. Aligned, not extractive.
What this is not. Not a memecoin with a story. Not a "trust us, we'll do the work" treasury. Not a vehicle for the launcher to dump on holders. The contract does the work. The contract pays the holders. We can't change the splits.
Engineered to make sandwich bots lose weight trying to eat it. Launching on Ten Thousand Tokens.